Hotel San Tomaso (Milano)

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Staying at San Tomaso isn't much cause for writing home. It's not haute coutre and not hostel which means it is, apparently, somewhere in between.

I stayed one night here (25 euros)---my first day in town---and, honestly, the only things I can rightfully recall are: 1) the stingy Chinese woman who runs it, 2) it's located three floors below Hotel Kennedy and 3) the teeny-tiny ass elevator which is only big enough for one backpacker!

I have no complaints about my stay although if you don't have a laptop you will probably balk at the un-FREE computer and poor English speaking Asian staff. One receptionist is, I guess, English or Aussie, and speaks English and Italian very well. You'll notice her easily: she's an old hip chick who moonlights as a DJ! She's pretty funny to talk with.

Viale Tunisia 6 (3d floor)
Milano, 20124
+39 02.29.51.47.47
hotelsantomaso@tin.it
website

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Do Step Inn Hostel (Vienna)

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The Do Step Inn is only a couple of blocks from the Westbahnhof train station so is within walking distance and easy to notice by the huge banners which hang out front.

When I arrived there were a lot of people waiting in the lobby; or, rather, there were people waiting in the very small lobby. The Front Desk, though, kept her chin up and smile on and attended to everyone as best she could even fulfilling the gesture of pouring complimentary drinks to fresh arrivals. Impressive. Note: choose water or Coca-Cola or even crappy Fanta---Fanta is sooooo popular here---over the red wine (horrible!) but it's the thought that counts; and I emptied the glass.

Depending on where you're bunking, Do Step Inn can become the Mucho Step Inn

I found the single room, albeit with television, private shower and toilet, too lacking for the forty-something euros it cost and immediately downsized to a dormitory. My new room was located around the corner and up the block. That's right: around the corner and up the block. So...depending on where you're bunking, Do Step Inn can become the Mucho Step Inn. But I was very satisfied with my 5-bed dorm. It cost 13.50 and was comfortable and preferable to the single room. The building annex has separate showers for men and women---the men's shower area consisted of two private showers---bathrooms separate from the showers, which appears to be a common design in the Old Country, and a wonderfully furnished kitchen and commons area.

What the hostel lacks in lobby space it makes up for in other areas of its buildings. Plenty of spaces for socializing and hanging out. And wi-fi access is available in the main building. No laptop? There are two FREE computers and the Internet connection is fast.

Felberstrasse 20, A-1150
Vienna
Tel: 0699.1923.2769
Fax: 01.982.3348
office@dostepinn.at
website

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Innsbruck. Don't ask. (Austria)

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In Innsbruck I couldn't find a hostel---even though HI has one there...somefuckingwhere---and, even more shocking, could not find wireless Internet anywhere. Hell, I barely found one Innsbrucker who knew what was 'wireless Internet'.

Finally found a 5-star hotel called the European Hotel or something like that which had wi-fi available in the lobby---for 3euros. Not bad. Except the Front Desk led me to believe it was free so long as I patronized the bar; so on top of my tab I had to pay for being online. Me no likey surprises.

Generally speaking, I have a low opinion of places that lack access to the Internet. And that's my two cents on Innsbruck.

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Linzer torte & other goodies

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Having read an offhand reference to Linzer torte (also spelled as one word) in a recent email I was keen to try this regional delicacy. Since I failed to go to any of the highlighted cultural attractions I wanted to leave with a Linzer experience. Plus I love sweets so it was easy to be adventurous in this regard. A slice of linzertorte was served to me with a side of whip cream (upon request). I had, at the same time, a slice of another Austrian invention---which the citizens insist means NOT GERMAN---apple strudel also served with a side of whip cream (upon request). I loves me some whip cream.

Didn't know what to expect from the Linzertorte. For some reason the taste reminded me of spiced Christmas carols. The strudel was not pocketed in the crispy, though buttery, crust I had Mcmagined, uh, I mean imagined. Delicious, the both of them. However do I keep THIS jock figure eating such tongue yummy fattening goodies---->?
Mmmm I'll never tell.


Gosser Beer (Radler):
Am not a big drinker of beer but Gosser gets high marks from my taste buds. The Austrains have this concoction of lemonade and beer---not making this up---called Radler which has something to do with a bicycle rider.

In the olden days drinking and driving pertained to, well, riding and to keep within the law bicyclists---those cavalier road warriors!---diluted their beers with the ever wholesome lemonade drink thereby transforming it from an evil alcoholic intoxicant into a nice refreshing beverage. Oh brother! Anywho, the drink/drinker association stuck and now whenever I'm near the Austrian land I'll make sure to enjoy a radler (made with Gosser Beer) because I like the lemony sweetness that comes from Gosser.

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A little place called Linz

From the Austrian capital I rode the train to a little place called Linz. It's a city big and important enough to be included on general maps and, to my surprise, has the distinctive honour of being this year's European Capital of Culture. Actually, the running joke among the citizens is that it was a surprise for them as well that Linz is the European Capital of Culture. Oh those Austrians and their disarming self-deprecating humour.

Adolf Hitler came from Austria but his humour was not so...disarming or self-deprecating or...developed.

I enjoyed my brief visit with my friend and her counter-culture friends. They were all kind and playful and principally comprised of artists, dj's, taggers, reggae lovers, students, eco-conscious rebels...y'know, hippies. I felt like Freud in a Jungian den of bohemians.

For all of its littleness, Linz is pretty high-tech and forward moving. Free wi-fi was accessible in the town square from any of the several cafes or a bench unlike Innsbruck where they've hardly even heard of wireless fidelity let alone 'wi-fi'; futuristic-looking trams zipped pass; there's the ARS Electronica Center (aka computer museum) and Modern Art Museum whose glass wall buildings reverberate with light and sound designs. Watching the buildings is like seeing a fireworks display architecturally imprisoned.

We went to see "Inglorious Basterds." Enjoyed it! Had more of a good time in Linz than I had in Vienna.

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They call it Wien in German (Vienna)

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I know I should have been floored by Vienna but I wasn't. I spent four nights there and there was nothing remarkable or eventful about it. Won't go so far as to use "bored." More like frustrated.

For starters, getting around town is confusing. Judging by the three tourist maps I collected Vienna is chock FULL of sites that answer the interests of history, cultural arts, curiosity, and the simply worthwhile; but each of the maps were so congested as to be hard to trace one point to another. I got a headache from trying to find and then follow the subway line markings.

Perhaps he was a Catholic virgin who'd never seen a condom up close, or perhaps he was just racist

click

Many suspiciously shady, mostly swarthy, characters hang out in the subways. They mumbled things to me but I had the sense to just say no. Maybe they were offering drugs or sex or directions or cheap opera seats; I don't know and, judging by the watchful groups of pigs that patrolled the platforms, I wasn't trying to find out. (Once while exiting the train, something, unbeknownst to me, dropped from my back pocket. Rather than help me, the watchful pigs walked me back to the spot, had me pick it up, and then demanded, Let me see (this he pronounced in English as his cop skills deduced my lack of German), as I quickly tried to put it back in my pocket. "Here," I said, handing him the XL Lifestyle condom---no lie---which all the nosy bystanders could clearly see it was. "Jesus Christ!" Perhaps he was a Catholic virgin who'd never seen a condom up close, or perhaps he was just racist. Something "drops" from a black man's pocket has to be suspicious. He was rightly embarrassed by the mini spectacle and waved me proceed on my un-merry way. Imagine if I were a woman and that had been a diaphragm. Holy mother! I've absent-mindedly walked away without grabbing my sunglasses, vending machine change, pens, brand new shoes, hats, backpack, calling card and NOT ONCE has anyone called, Excuse me you forgot this; but drop a condom....)

Sad to say, but I did not manage to visit Sigmund Freud's house or Mozart's apartment or the opera house (that one I just plumb forgot about) or the funky Kunst Museum. In town there is also a tiny museum devoted to "The Third Man," which was filmed in WWII Vienna and has one of the greatest entrances portrayed on celluloid as well as Orson Welles' very quotable reference to peace and cuckoo-cuckoo clocks.

Oh and Vienna is zehr expensive. One thing that turns me off faster than expensive is zehr expensive.

"You know what the fellow said—in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace—and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

Austrian flag

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Watch out for these 5 tourist scams!!

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I've had my experiences with goddamn tourist scams so am glad to direct you to this helpful article about five scams making suckers of unsuspecting foreigners.

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Late night Euro television

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I don't watch much television and I hardly watch any abroad since none make any sense to me---even IF I understand the language---especially the comedies. But when the Sun sets the television is on because, as Ray Charles sang, the night time is the right time. One thing European television seems to have in common is shameless nudity. T&A is standard here, baby!

Just now I was watching EuroSport's live coverage of the U.S.Open when I decided to change the channel. Time:11pm. Little did I know that I was one button away from a platinum blond frau wearing nothing beyond white stockings, a belly piercing, and smile. And playing with her firm titties for good measure. Hello! The program was some sort of call-in game show but, to be truthful, the nonchalant absurdity and perversity of it all distracted me from further investigation. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her eyes.

her mesmerizing eyes

If this is woman's lib, then why the hell has American television gone all faggoty with Oz, Queer As Folk, The L Word? The closest thing we have to this nightly Euro smut is the annual uber glamorous Victoria Secret Fashion Show (which, predictably enough, sends American feminazis in a tizzy). Trust me, it is nothing compared to what I'm looking at right now. Otherwise, American insomniacs, God-fearing, obese and dull minded, are bombarded with a buffet of infomercials for worthless, semi expensive gadgets.

Can't say that I would approve of big bare bimbo tits hosting game shows but, hey, it would be an improvement on dumbass exercise machines and cutlery infomercials. Who knows? I may just learn German yet. Booyah!

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